This past week the Lord was so good to clearly speak something to me I had not really paid much attention to before, but so crucial in our wait for our little Drew. Tuesday, reading in one of the most beautifully written books ever, A Thousand Gifts, Ann does an amazing job with the sovereignty of God in despair. She spoke of the story from Genesis 16 and 21 as Hagar once flees to the desert and once is sent there by Abraham. Hagar, an Egyptian slave, is in despair, impregnated by another woman's husband, God meets her there, comforts her and tells her to name her son Ishmael "the Lord hears". She names the well there, Beer-lahai-roi " the well of the God who sees", because "Truly, here, I have seen him who looks after me."
Thursday, I do my Precept study on the names of God and I start Chapter 4 "El Roi: the God who sees". Again, I study Hagar and Ishmael, now chapter 21 where Abe sends them to the desert with a bottle of water. Assuming the worst is coming, she puts her 12 year old son under a tree to die, "let me not look on the death of the child". As she wept, God heard Ishmael crying, came to her, and opened her eyes to a well of water, and "God was with the boy, and he grew up".
Friday, I traveled to Atlanta for this soul-filling retreat, Created for Care, with 250 adoptive moms. I was late. Plop down in my seat just in time for the phenomenal speaker, Susan Hillis, who says, "tonight we are going to talk about Hagar/Ishmael/the well..."
I just smiled. OK, Lord, I am listening.
Over the course of the weekend, He confirmed to me that adopting was his path for us, even as I felt at times completely overwhelmed by the information, wondering "what on earth are we doing?"
He gave me such a clear picture of Him, El Roi, seeing our son. God saw him when he was abandoned in a field, or at the orphanage gate, or behind a building. He saw, then protected and provided with a wonderful orphanage.
Even if his mom put him there assuming the worst, God was with him, and has a family for him. As he lays in his crib surrounded by 30 other babies all needing to be held, changed and fed at the same time, El Roi is there, he sees. His hedge of protection is around him now, even when I can't be.
God also broke my heart for the woman who unselfishly carried and delivered him. Chances are good, that, like Hagar, she was the victim of unjust circumstances, mistreatment, or abandonment herself. We will never know what those are, but clearly, despair had set in for her to abandon her son. I pray she, too, would be able to say,
"truly, here, I have seen Him who looks after me".
I pray protection and provision for her. I pray that she would know that,
"The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
the righteous run into it and are safe"
I hope that somehow, she will know that her son was seen by the Lord, and now has a family with 3 siblings and parents who know the mighty name of the Lord.